Just recently a great friend of mine went through a breakup. We’ll call her Abby. Abby had a strong intuition about her relationship all along, yet ignored it. Her story really got me thinking about how important it is to listen to your instincts. Then I really started to think of all the obvious ways people can remind themselves to trust that voice in the back of their heads.
Abby is running through the streets. She’s sweating, running as fast as she can, pushing everyone out of her way. This girl is frantic, tired and anxious to get to her destination. Finally, she gets to the house where she stops dead in her tracks. As she gets home she hears what seems like two people having a lot of fun.
Slowly, she tip-toes towards the bedroom to see who these two horndogs are. As she creepily opens the door, the obvious is staring back at her.
It’s her boyfriend with another girl. White as a ghost, she stands there for a few seconds and takes it all in. Then, she walks out and leaves, but this time she’s not running, she’s walking with her head down in pure disgust and sadness. In a ball of sweat, she wakes up from this horrid dream.
Meet Abby, a hard-working, petite brunette with a great sense of humor. Abby had dreams like these throughout her entire relationship. Now that the relationship is over, Abby is back to herself again, happier than ever.
Abby’s story isn’t unique in any way. In fact, it wasn’t long before Abby found out the truth through a mutual friend about her ex-boyfriend’s cheating ways. Which got me thinking…if only she had listened to her intuition, things could have been different.
Looking back, I remember Abby complaining to me about this ex co-worker, we’ll call her Monica (think of her as Lewinsky for fun); telling me she had a weird vibe from her. Right there should have been the point where Abby listened to her gut. But it’s not always that easy. Here are some great ways to remind ourselves how important it is to listen to the little voice inside your head.
REMINDER #1 -
YOU THINK SOMETHING FOR A REASON - LISTEN TO YOUR THOUGHTS
If Abby had just one weird dream about the loser and Monica, oh well, coincidence, maybe even paranoia. But since Abby had a fewstrange dreams about the two being together, that would have been a great time to really start thinking. There are so many books out there claiming that our dreams are a medium with our gut instincts. How many times have you dreamt of something that afterwards really made sense?
There’s a reason your gut makes you think in a certain way. Unless you’re a bit looney, a lot of what you think should make sense.
REMINDER #2 –
EXCUSES ARE THE CHEAP REPLACEMENT FOR REALITY
For the most part, we’re all guilty of convincing our instincts otherwise. There’s always that one girl who just doesn’t see the obvious signs. If someone isn’t calling you back, it’s not because they are too in love with you, it’s probably because they simply don’t want to call you.
In other words, we know the right thing to do, for the most part, but we make up excuses so that we can do otherwise. You know you shouldn’t call him after already calling twice, but you still send him a text anyway. (Guilty as charged)
In He’s Just Not That into You, it mentions how, for the most part, when a girl meets a guy, “we get excited about them, and then they do something that mildly disappoints us. Then they keep doing a lot more things that disappoint us. Then we go into hyper-excuse mode for weeks or possibly months...” We don’t want to hear it, and when I say “it” I mean your gut feeling.
Why listen to what you’re really thinking when it’s so much easier to ignore it. Everyone ignores their logic from time to time, why do homework when you can watch reruns of The Office?
Procrastinating is like masturbation, in the end, you’re only screwing yourself.
REMINDER #3 –
IF YOU CAN’T TRUST YOUR OWN INSTINCTS – LISTEN TO YOUR LOVED ONES
Think of your family members or close friends like the CEOs of your life. Your life equals their company (literally). They only want what’s best for their company and see things for what they are; not sugar coated. They have your best intentions at hand and only want the best for you.
Abby’s family never thought highly of her ex-boyfriend, but Abby just chose not to listen. Their intuitions were ignored by her tunnel vision.
Everyone should have those same intentions for themselves. If you already do, great, you should be proud of yourself. Otherwise, girls - wake up and smell the coffee. And how do you know its coffee? Because your intuitions assured you so. Don’t just sit around questioning whether or not it smells like coffee.
So before you start going crazy about what your gut feeling is telling you, here are some tips on when it’s intuition and not paranoia.
LISTEN UP - If he has a friend that’s a girl and they say “Hi” to each other whenever you two are out, seems totally fine. But if she’s calling him after midnight and he has to walk out of the room to answer the phone, listen to your gut.
EXCUSES ARE INTUITIONS’ ENEMY – There’s a difference between him working late once in a while and him working late every night coming home the next morning. Don’t make up excuses for the loser, let the obvious do the talking.
YOUR LOVED ONES ARE LOOKING OUT FOR YOU – If your mom wants you to date a doctor and doesn’t like your business-man boyfriend, whatever. But if your mom doesn’t like your boyfriend because she is seeing sketchiness oozing from his ears, pay attention to what she’s saying. Your loved ones don’t have tunneled vision they way you do.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Getting booty on vacation
This weekend, me along with three other aspiring journalists took a trip to New York for a journalism convention. The trip was half-work, half-play, and yet, short of my expectations.
It’s hard to say the word “vacation,” without thinking of the word “sex.” But sometimes, getting action on vacation is almost as hard as getting a Democrat to support the war.
Stepping foot on New York City’s soil, I imagined meeting a line of readily-available, hot, New York guys to choose from.
I was the typical wide-eyed tourist. I was mesmerized by the flashing lights and tall buildings, instead of hot, single, young New York men.
Getting laid on vacation is surprisingly hard (no pun intended), here’s why:
REASON #1 – You’re out of your comfort zone
Fort Lauderdale — just minutes away from my home — is a lot more comfortable then going out in Times Square. We all have our favorite place to go out and chances are, you’ll run in to someone you know, or at least recognize the bartender that served you the same drink last week.
I know exactly where to go and what area of the bar my favorite bartender is working at. There’s comfort in that sort of routine. Yet, in New York, I was the shy girl at the bar, taking in my surroundings, somewhat nervous about being out of my element.
It doesn’t make sense that I’m so shy, since I’m never going to see these people again.
REASON #2 – You don’t know who’s taken and who’s gay
A lisp can be easily covered by a New York accent. Going out to Boca’s Dubliner on Thursdays, you usually see the same people over and over. Or, you at least know someone that knows someone that can tell you what their “deal” is.
It’s not unusual to hear, “Oh, that’s Jimmy’s cousin’s ex-boyfriend, he once got arrested for public intoxication and I’m pretty sure he has the clap.”
REASON #3 – Not everyone is on vacation
It’s not like we’re all in Cancun on Spring Break where everyone is horny, drunk and partying within a 5-mile radius. New York, on the other hand, is a melting pot and everyone is doing their own thing. There is a huge mix ranging from business people to foreigners.
Not everyone here is out looking for some vacation booty; some simply are out for their Friday night out with the boys.
Here are some tips on how to find the vacation loopholes …(literally)
• PAY UP OR GO HOME: Guys, all you have to do is go up to a girl, buy them a drink (considering they are often expensive) and proceed.
• WHEN NATURE CALLS: Girls, when a guy comes up to you and offers you a drink, consider it a huge compliment. Think about it, they want you and it is much easier for a guy to hit on a girl than vice versa.
• EXPECT TO HAVE NO EXPECTATIONS: Girls, it’s okay if you have every intention of hooking up on your vacation, but don’t be disappointed if you don’t. It isn’t easy. Most of us are picky, and don’t know which one to go for.
• LUCKY STRIKE: Guys, you are a lucky breed. Picking up a girl on vacation is all on you. We are waiting for YOU to COME UP TO US. Unless we are trashed, we won’t go up to you. Vacation is a lot harder of a situation to get laid in.
It’s hard to say the word “vacation,” without thinking of the word “sex.” But sometimes, getting action on vacation is almost as hard as getting a Democrat to support the war.
Stepping foot on New York City’s soil, I imagined meeting a line of readily-available, hot, New York guys to choose from.
I was the typical wide-eyed tourist. I was mesmerized by the flashing lights and tall buildings, instead of hot, single, young New York men.
Getting laid on vacation is surprisingly hard (no pun intended), here’s why:
REASON #1 – You’re out of your comfort zone
Fort Lauderdale — just minutes away from my home — is a lot more comfortable then going out in Times Square. We all have our favorite place to go out and chances are, you’ll run in to someone you know, or at least recognize the bartender that served you the same drink last week.
I know exactly where to go and what area of the bar my favorite bartender is working at. There’s comfort in that sort of routine. Yet, in New York, I was the shy girl at the bar, taking in my surroundings, somewhat nervous about being out of my element.
It doesn’t make sense that I’m so shy, since I’m never going to see these people again.
REASON #2 – You don’t know who’s taken and who’s gay
A lisp can be easily covered by a New York accent. Going out to Boca’s Dubliner on Thursdays, you usually see the same people over and over. Or, you at least know someone that knows someone that can tell you what their “deal” is.
It’s not unusual to hear, “Oh, that’s Jimmy’s cousin’s ex-boyfriend, he once got arrested for public intoxication and I’m pretty sure he has the clap.”
REASON #3 – Not everyone is on vacation
It’s not like we’re all in Cancun on Spring Break where everyone is horny, drunk and partying within a 5-mile radius. New York, on the other hand, is a melting pot and everyone is doing their own thing. There is a huge mix ranging from business people to foreigners.
Not everyone here is out looking for some vacation booty; some simply are out for their Friday night out with the boys.
Here are some tips on how to find the vacation loopholes …(literally)
• PAY UP OR GO HOME: Guys, all you have to do is go up to a girl, buy them a drink (considering they are often expensive) and proceed.
• WHEN NATURE CALLS: Girls, when a guy comes up to you and offers you a drink, consider it a huge compliment. Think about it, they want you and it is much easier for a guy to hit on a girl than vice versa.
• EXPECT TO HAVE NO EXPECTATIONS: Girls, it’s okay if you have every intention of hooking up on your vacation, but don’t be disappointed if you don’t. It isn’t easy. Most of us are picky, and don’t know which one to go for.
• LUCKY STRIKE: Guys, you are a lucky breed. Picking up a girl on vacation is all on you. We are waiting for YOU to COME UP TO US. Unless we are trashed, we won’t go up to you. Vacation is a lot harder of a situation to get laid in.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Drinking and flirting
As a single, social college student, with many wonderful girlfriends, we tend to run into some characters out in the real world. All of the stories mentioned stem from personal experiences, as well as experiences my friends have been through. Each story is unique in its own way, and usually has a deeper meaning. The following stories will hopefully teach you about the dangers of drinking and mingling.
It’s spring break and a bunch of my girlfriends and I decide to go out and celebrate our mini vacate from school. Two of us are at the bar when two wobbling guys come up and offer to buy us a drink. Great gesture, yet, since we were both a little tipsy already, and clearly they were too, we politely thanked them and turned down the offer. Not to mention, we just weren’t that into them. Angrily, they then decided to ask us why we didn’t want a drink and why we were being “too cool” for them. I literally ignored them as my girlfriend strategically walked away, but they kept throwing drunken daggers.
After a few more extremely annoying comments, I turned around and said, “Please, just let it go,” and walked away. They then proceeded to repeatedly say “Have a nice day! Have a nice day!” – granted, it was one in the morning.
Fighting at a bar should never happen, especially if it’s with strangers.
Here are some lessons I’d like to share with the boys:
LESSON #1: Just like they say, don’t drive if you’re too drunk, and don’t hit on a girl if you’re too drunk to handle the possibility being turned down.
As much as a drunk college guy may be attractive to a drunk college girl for the obvious reasons (if so, go to Murphy’s on Tuesday), a drunk guy in general is not the ideal person a girl wants to meet. Yes, it is a double standard, but it’s the truth.
A friend of mine was dating this great, loving and polite guy for a couple of weeks, yet every time they went out together he got completely trashed. At first, she tried to keep up with his binge drinking habits, but eventually she realized a 400-pound gorilla wouldn’t be able to match his tolerance level. To add to it, he started becoming an angry, jealous drunk, saying drunken comments to her if a guy would simply look in her direction. Needless to say, my friend dumped the loser and is now in a happy, moderate-drinking relationship.
LESSON #2: Handle your drinking, don’t make a fool out of yourself.
Don’t get me wrong, having fun is the name of the game, especially when you first meet someone, but guys, we are always looking, judging and processing our future.
Let’s face it, dating is like an interview process. Essentially, we are all looking for the perfect business partner to invest ourselves for the future. Together, you want to compliment each other and avoid problematic situations, like alcoholism. In other words, girls are always thinking ahead and if we see something we don’t like, we run, at least the smart ones do.
LESSON #3: Do the heavy drinking with your buddies. Of course it is perfectly fine if you go out with the boys and do some manly drinking together, via drinks, shots, both or more. When there are six empty beer bottles on the bar on any given Sunday, quite frankly, we can’t judge you.
Yet, if it’s a Friday night in Delray and you have beer goggles on, can’t find your cell phone and are already planning on having your more sober friend drive home, you are not prince charming anymore and should stay away from the possible princess. Trust me, it’ll just lead to disaster.
It’s spring break and a bunch of my girlfriends and I decide to go out and celebrate our mini vacate from school. Two of us are at the bar when two wobbling guys come up and offer to buy us a drink. Great gesture, yet, since we were both a little tipsy already, and clearly they were too, we politely thanked them and turned down the offer. Not to mention, we just weren’t that into them. Angrily, they then decided to ask us why we didn’t want a drink and why we were being “too cool” for them. I literally ignored them as my girlfriend strategically walked away, but they kept throwing drunken daggers.
After a few more extremely annoying comments, I turned around and said, “Please, just let it go,” and walked away. They then proceeded to repeatedly say “Have a nice day! Have a nice day!” – granted, it was one in the morning.
Fighting at a bar should never happen, especially if it’s with strangers.
Here are some lessons I’d like to share with the boys:
LESSON #1: Just like they say, don’t drive if you’re too drunk, and don’t hit on a girl if you’re too drunk to handle the possibility being turned down.
As much as a drunk college guy may be attractive to a drunk college girl for the obvious reasons (if so, go to Murphy’s on Tuesday), a drunk guy in general is not the ideal person a girl wants to meet. Yes, it is a double standard, but it’s the truth.
A friend of mine was dating this great, loving and polite guy for a couple of weeks, yet every time they went out together he got completely trashed. At first, she tried to keep up with his binge drinking habits, but eventually she realized a 400-pound gorilla wouldn’t be able to match his tolerance level. To add to it, he started becoming an angry, jealous drunk, saying drunken comments to her if a guy would simply look in her direction. Needless to say, my friend dumped the loser and is now in a happy, moderate-drinking relationship.
LESSON #2: Handle your drinking, don’t make a fool out of yourself.
Don’t get me wrong, having fun is the name of the game, especially when you first meet someone, but guys, we are always looking, judging and processing our future.
Let’s face it, dating is like an interview process. Essentially, we are all looking for the perfect business partner to invest ourselves for the future. Together, you want to compliment each other and avoid problematic situations, like alcoholism. In other words, girls are always thinking ahead and if we see something we don’t like, we run, at least the smart ones do.
LESSON #3: Do the heavy drinking with your buddies. Of course it is perfectly fine if you go out with the boys and do some manly drinking together, via drinks, shots, both or more. When there are six empty beer bottles on the bar on any given Sunday, quite frankly, we can’t judge you.
Yet, if it’s a Friday night in Delray and you have beer goggles on, can’t find your cell phone and are already planning on having your more sober friend drive home, you are not prince charming anymore and should stay away from the possible princess. Trust me, it’ll just lead to disaster.
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